Helen's Secret
by FrenchFrySplash
Summary: A oneshot written waaaaaaaaaay back when there was no TV show and just the webisodes. Basically, Helen has a secret, and Will, being overly curious or just plain unlucky, stumbles across it.


**Author's Note:** This little piece of...something was written way back when THERE WAS NO SANCTUARY ON TV. A travesty, I know. Fortunately, though, Stage 3 Media produced those webisode thingamajigs that got popular for a while. So, this is based on those. Which is why there are some teeny-tiny differences from the TV SHOW CANON. So, sorry about that. But really, look at this fic. Does it really follow any canon what-so-ever?

**Disclaimer:** I don't think I could write fan fiction if any of this was mine. Could I? That would be interesting. Someone writing fanfiction about their own stuff.

On with the show!

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Not many people knew Helen Magnus' secret.

No, I don't mean that she was 157 years old. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain can figure that one out. Jeez.

And No! I don't mean _that_ either! It was agreed that _that_ would never be discussed. Ever. Under pain of a very nasty death involving a toothbrush and a rabid squirrel.

So, it seemed that no one knew Helen Magnus' secret.

Her Lovely, as she had come to call it in her head, or when she had private conversations with her secret pet talking cougar (What? She happened to like having secrets), was currently occupying the basement. As in, the basement beneath her lab. That was yet another one of her secrets, the basement beneath her lab. Ashley knew about this basement, but after a terrifying incident when she was 6 ½, she never went down there anymore.

Thus, it was the perfect place for Helen's Lovely. And for years, she kept it there, happily caring for it, loving it, and all around thinking it was the most wonderful thing she'd ever seen. Except for Ashley, of course, but that was a given. And besides, at least her Lovely listened to her. Her Lovely was always there for her. It was the one thing she, and only she, knew about. It was her secret.

But when Dr. Will Zimmerman started poking around the Sanctuary, she grew worried.

Ashley had told him about the basement, letting it slip out over dinner one night. Immediately, Will had turned to Helen, eyebrows raised.

"Seriously?" He said incredulously. "You have a basement under all this?" He waved his hand around vaguely

"Perhaps," Helen answered, taking a bite of her scone. For some reason, that was all she ever seemed to eat, along with tea. Occasionally, when she was feeling adventurous, she would try a sandwich or maybe even a donut. But she was happy with her scones. They were perfect. Just like her Lovely.

"She does!" Ashley insisted. "There's a door around here somewhere. I haven't been down there for a long time."

"Why?" Will asked, intrigued.

"No reason," Ashley said evasively. "Scone?"

Helen was relieved when Ashley changed the subject. She wouldn't have to worry about anyone discovering her Lovely, at least not yet. Of course, she didn't count on Will's bad luck, which led him to the door.

It was a completely normal day. Well, at least as normal as it could get when surrounded by monsters. As he tossed a salad into Steve's cage (He was a vegetarian, Go figure), Will wondered what had possibly possessed him to take this job. He'd had a perfectly good job before, psychologist by day, clown by night, and could have continued on into a wonderful career of making kids (and the criminally insane) laugh. But no, he'd just had to turn away from the paint and big shoes and become the protégé to a crazy lady who had a strange fixation with dark colours.

Sighing, he walked away from the Steve's cage, heading for the door. Unfortunately, at that exact moment, a butterfly in China flapped its wings, causing an earthquake in Washington, which somehow made a stool fall over in the lab. The stool rolled over to the wall, and hit it, causing a hidden door to fly open.

Will froze, staring at it. The door swayed a little, creaking on its hinges. Swallowing, he crept over to it, and peeked through the opening. A set of stairs led down into darkness, and a slight breeze blew Will's hair back. He thought he heard someone muttering.

Biting his lip, Will carefully considered his options. He could do the smart thing, which would be to close the door and run screaming from the room, or he could do the stupid thing, which would be to go down the stairs.

After weighing the pros and cons in his mind, Will took a step forward, and started down the stairs.

_Wow,_ he thought. _If this were a movie or a TV show or something, the audience would be screaming at me to turn around and go back right now. _

Silently, he chastised himself for being so silly. Who on Earth would watch a show about a 157 year-old-woman searching for monsters in some place called Old City, aided by her daughter-of-undetermined-age and a Bigfoot-a-phobic psychologist/clown? Will shook his head in disbelief. It was almost as crazy as the thought of a show about a giant ring that sent people to other planets. Yeesh.

The stairs were incredibly long. Will soon found himself humming "It's a Small World After All" to alleviate the boredom. He wondered if Ashley ever watched Disney as a kid. Somehow, he couldn't picture her sitting through his favourite movie, Cinderella. But hey, you never knew. After much thought on this topic, he gave up trying to guess Ashley's favourite Disney movie, mostly because he'd finally reached the end of the staircase. Looking around, he realized that he had no light, yet somehow, he could see. How very strange. Oh well, he'd ask Helen about it later.

Speaking of the seemingly immortal doctor, the muttering had grown louder. Will followed the sound, listening hard. He only managed to catch some words though, such as "Penguin," " Leather," and "Okra." He wondered who (or what) Helen could possibly be talking to, and whether or not he really wanted to find out.

"What are you doing?" Whispered a voice behind him. Will almost wet his pants, and spun around, to find Ashley standing behind him, a wicked grin on her face.

"I thought you were scared of this place!" He hissed.

"What?" Ashley looked deeply affronted. "Where'd you get that idea?"

"I'm supposed to be a psychologist," he replied. "I pick up on these things."

"Obviously you're not very good at it," she shot back. "So, what are you doing down here?"

"Your Mom is talking to something," Will said, as they started to creep towards Helen's mutterings.

"Has she called it her Lovely?" Ashley asked.

Will thought for a moment.

"Yes, she has," he decided. "How do you know?"

"She talks about it in her sleep."

"You watch her in her sleep?"

"I walked in on her sleeping once."

"Right."

"I don't watch my mother sleeping. That's just creepy."

"I believe you."

"You don't sound like it."

"OW!" Will squealed as his arm was suddenly twisted at an unnatural angle behind his back. "I believe you, really!"

"Will? Ashley? What are you doing down here?" Helen's voice made them both look up. The Doctor was standing there, staring at them, white faced.

"We could ask you the same question," Ashley said quickly.

"Ashley won't let go of my arm," Will whined at the same time.

"Ashley, let go of Will's arm," Helen said. "And I was…applying my anti-age make up."

"That's the secret to your longevity?" Will asked, completely forgetting that Ashley still had his arm. He stared at her, open mouthed.

"Yes, and close your mouth, you'll catch flies," Helen told him. "When applied in copious amounts, anti-age creme is a magnificent elixir of life."

"Is that why you gave me some for my birthday?" Ashley demanded.

"Well, do you really want to be stuck as a 35-year-old for the rest of your life?" Helen asked. "It's much better this way."

"Wait," Will looked back and forth between the two Magnus ladies. "How old is Ashley, exactly?"

He cried out in pain as Ashley twisted his arm harder.

"If we told you, Dr. Zimmerman, I'm afraid we'd have to kill you," Helen sighed.

"Ok!" Will nodded, frantically trying to get away from the homicidal young woman.

"Ashley, let Will go," Helen told her daughter.

Ashley sighed, and complied. Relieved, Will scurried away from her and hid behind Helen.

"So," he said, clearing his throat. "What do you keep down here anyway?"

Helen glanced at him. "I suppose I can show you," she said reluctantly. "This way."

Will and Ashley looked at each other, and followed Helen as she made her way farther into the basement. Finally, after what seemed like seconds, they were standing in front of a plain looking door. It was open a crack, and Helen stood before it, murmuring into the room beyond.

"It's ok…don't worry…they won't hurt you…"

"Uh," Ashley cleared her throat. "Mom?"

"Oh, yes," Helen looked back at them. "Through here," she opened the door and stepped back, ushering them through.

Swallowing, Will looked at Ashley.

"Ladies first," he said, flashing her a grin.

"Go on, then," she replied sweetly.

Will opened his mouth the answer, but his arm suddenly gave a twinge of pain, and he nodded.

"Ok, fine," nervously, he stepped forward, into the small room beyond the door. Glancing around, he found the light switch and flicked it on.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Helen stepped up beside him, gazing lovingly at the room's occupant.

"Mom," Ashley said, walking forward to study it. "I'm impressed."

"It's, uh, it's fantastic," Will said, slightly bewildered. "What is it, exactly?"

"Isn't it obvious, Dr. Zimmerman?" Helen asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"Uh, apparently not," Will said, backing away towards the door.

Helen opened her mouth to tell him exactly what _it_ was, but unfortunately, at that exact moment, the entire world blew up.

H E L E N M A G N U S K I C K S A $ $

"Carter!" Jack O'Neill yelled at his 2IC. "What the hell just happened?"

"I don't know sir," Samantha Carter said, gazing in disbelief at what had once been the planet Earth.

"It looks like the Earth blew up," Daniel Jackson pointed out.

"Indeed," said Teal'c.

SG-1 was standing on the bridge of the _Daedalus, _looking out from a safe distance at the wreckage of Earth. What, you didn't expect me to kill SG-1, did you? Jeez, I'm not a total monster.

"It looks like someone triggered a death ray in a place called Old City," Sam said, typing random buttons on the computer in the effort to make it look like she was doing something.

"Perhaps we should have listened to the warning sent to us by Dr. Helen Magnus," Teal'c said.

"Warning?" Jack asked, looking from Daniel to Teal'c in confusion. "What warning?"

"The warning that said she had a death ray in her basement, and that we should leave her Sanctuary alone or she'd activate it," Daniel explained.

"Helen Magnus?" Sam thought for a moment. "I think I know that name from some where…"


End file.
